Demoman Writes Fanfiction
by Reasonably Firm Eggs
Summary: After discovering the existence of fanfiction, Demoman decides to grace the internet with his god-like writing, much like every other Harry Potter fan with a computer.
1. Maste rof death jninjaas,

**A/N: ReasonablyFirmEggs LLC is not responsible for any injuries that may occur when reading this work of fiction. To read please sign here:  
**

 **I have read the single line of Terms and Services above and will not hold accountable to RFE LLC (** **©2016ReasonablyFirmEggs) and related parties, to any injury or condition, physical or mental that may develop or occur as the result of reading this work of fiction. I also understand that this writing is satirical in nature and will not post any "butthurt" reviews pertaining to, but not limited to, the writing quality, the author and his personal life(particularly regarding his parents and his upbringing), the plot(or lack of thereof), and etc. Signed,_ _ _ _ _ _  (Username goes here. Ex: narutoxharrypotter4life73)**

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Maste rof deathm jninjaas., By Demomopan6812 _reviews_  
one day haryr potter was dong a speal when he somehwo changaed dimsmensions and hea meets naruto teh nijinaj god.  
thye falsl ins love but a new evild is foing too test thjem. wioll there love sirvive? godleke hary! gadlike naroitu!yaoy!

Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 348 - Reviews: 12,435,235 - Favs: 1,462,542,542 - Follows: 124,745,623,956 - Updated: May 20, 1969 - Published: June 9, 1969 - Harry P., Naruto U., OC - Complete

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once day haory potser was doong a spell. but somesthing went worng and hareery blakced out. when he wolke up he saw someon e staningd ovar him. hes was dress like a ninija. "who are yuw" he askd. "im haerey poter" haerrry repled. "your hot" harryr asid. so ares you narito replieds. lets do thes sexyu sessxs. olk. thens htey starteds sexing tehmseles so hard thats the worelsd blew up. oh noes we vlew up teh worlds" sadi harruy. goods thong im a masrte of deatrh so i can vring its back. you dont need to do sthat ssadi nartiso. im a nisngahaja goad. ican do its for uou. how aboot we bth do it/ yu can cum out haplf of teh worsld ansd i can cum out tej other helf. arlght them. ands then thy toched east others penises utinl they cocaine. oah yes ur so gusd toach me maor nairto. yrou relay goad to harruiy. tesn the world sterted refoming. but brefro they could hget back to tehs sexy sexes lard voldemadadra apeered. "naruto and hairy pooter. i yam teh secrit luvchild of lard boldymort an uchia madadra an i hav cume from teh futre to aveng me famare honore. i hav found teh las tiem turny and i hav com bak to kill you. than she srtated dong a jitsu. poopoo go here dDaDY no jitus!1! and than haree did a explood. haheha ur no match for me poopoo go here dDaDY no jitsu!1! and than narjewto was reel sid an she stared tu cri. boohoohoo he sad. i raal sed know. than she gat reely mad. im gona kell yo an ill keap kallin ou but tehn you be dad. so she stated doing a raisingan. he use shadow cone no jitsu and make sum cone appeared. raisingan no jitsu! but lard voldemadara was two strong an it have no affect. sudenly hairy poter were bak. wat no whey said voldemadara. hew did u cum bake? hary sad i the mastiff of debth. u cant kihl me. an than thay cdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd  
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Readable version:

Master of death ninjas.  By Demomopan6812 _reviews  
_ One day Harry Potter was doing a spell when he somehow changed dimensions and he meets Naruto, the ninja god.  
they fall in love but a new evil is going too test them. will there love survive? godlike harry! godlike naruto! yaoi!

Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 348 - Reviews: 12,435,235 - Favs: 1,462,542,542 - Follows: 124,745,623,956 - Updated: May 20, 1969 - Published: June 9, 1969 - Harry P., Naruto U., OC - Complete

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One day Harry Potter was doing a spell. But something went wrong and Harry blacked out. When he woke up he saw someone standing over him. He was dressed like a ninja.

"Who are you," he asked.

"I'm Harry Potter" Harry replied. "You're hot" Harry said.

"So are you" Naruto replied.

"Lets do the sexy sexes.

"Ok." Then they started sexing themselves so hard that the world blew up.

"Oh no we blew up the world." said Harry. "Good thing I'm a master of death so i can bring it back.

"You don't need to do that." said Naruto "I'm a ninja god. I can do it for you."

"How about we both do it. You can cum out half of the world and I can cum out the other half."

"Alright then." And then they touched each others penises until they came.

"Oh yes your so good touch me more Naruto."

"You're really good too Harry." Then the world started reforming. But before they could get back to the sexy sexes Lord Voldemadara appeared.

"Naruto and Harry Potter. I am the secret lovechild of Lord Voldemort and Uchia Madara and I have come from the future to avenge my family honor. I have found the last time turner and I have come back to kill you. Then she started doing a jutsu. "poopoo go here dDaDY no jutsu! and then harry did an explode. "hahaha you're no match for my 'poopoo go here dDaDY' no jutsu!" And then Naruto was real sad and she started to cry.

"Boohoohoo," he said, "I'm real sad now." Then she got really mad. "I'm gonna kill you and I'll keep killing you, but then you'll be dead." So she started doing a Rasengan. He used Shadow Clone no Jutsu and made some clones appear. "Rasengan no Jutsu!" But Lord Voldemadara was too strong and it has no effect. Suddenly Harry Potter was back.

"What no way," said Voldemadara, "How did you come back?"

Harry said, "I am the master of death. You can't kill me."

And then they cddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd(It is at this point in which Demoman passed out drunk.)dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

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User Reviews:

 _narutofan23697_ chapter 1 . Feb 17, 1969  
omg this is the best! i want moar!

 _A Sensible Person_ chapter 1 . Nov 05, 1969  
The nature of this review is rather rhetorical, seeing as anyone with half a brain can tell that this is shit. Unfortunately most of the readers here do not even posses even half of that.

 _97amrullah_ chapter 1 . Dec 28, 1969  
i wish i could right as well as you do

 _dosenotmatter_ Chapter 1 . May 13, 1969  
this is really good. if you like this then you should check out my fanfiction Digmon:Red ARTHER NOTE: this is a idea i had tell me what you think Title might change

 _Load more user reviews(12,435,231)_

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 **May I inquire if you have developed any of the following: cancer, heart disease,** **Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome, a general lack of faith in humanity, depression, suicidal tendencies, or any other serious, sometimes fatal conditions?**


	2. Demowach

**A/N: Upon reflecting on the previous chapter, I have come the realization that I have no idea what Demoman's writing style would be like. He can at least read, e.g. the Bombinomicon, but as far as writing goes, we got nothing. So, as far as changes to the style go, I got nothing.**

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Demowach By Demomopan6812 _reviews  
_ onee day I was tacking a telyporter butt due ti freek aksident I foud myself in the werld of iverwatch. wach as i turn thes werld ipside dowm.

Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 24 - Updated: April 20, 1969 - Published: Feb. 28, 1979 - Sayta V./Symmetra, OC

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 **hey lads so theres thise gema kaled ovarwhach y ou mite off herd fo. thus si a salf insort story.  
**

oni dey i was takeing a telaporter when i fund meself in teh wurld of everwtach. it sterted whan i steeped in me teemmate engys talepoter. onstead of going ta thr ponit i was teloported somewhear elfe entirely. hte furst ting i see was a bootiful weman. he had lonf blak hare tht wsa reelly pretty. whats ur name seh asced? im teh domeman i sad. ur rely sexy she siad. tanks u r too i said. wats youre name i asked. im simmetra she replyed. than i look arond an sea that everyting is diffirint. bcuz im so smart i say what yeer is this? i thik i whent fowerd in tiem. how can ypou tell she asked? yoru closthes are diferent from mine. wow yr smart she saud. its the yaer 1999. they far off year of 1999?! is teh dog prezident yet? i asked. uoy meen prezident fluffykins eht syberneticalhy enhansed pomerian ina sweeter? hes a greet presidant. b4 seh cpi;d say ,ore a masked man atcaked. i puched hew down and sabed her life fro, the byllets. rhen i thew mt sqord at him an kiled him. wehn i lookd bak at symetra i saw rjhat she had neem jit buy a bulet. noo dont i cryed/ ur to bevtiful. as i jeld her im my arms seh loked at my and sad dpnt cry fro me deonman. everytinhs goind to be alrigt. tjem she sigjed and cloed her eys. NIIII i cerid. me onyl loce was ded. lif was nit werth living anymroe. butt jsyt as everyting semed loset an asngel appesred. me name is mecru sgve saud. i can helpp you. thena she rasied her staff and a msyeteruius light start to appeser.

 **who is teg mysteriuos woeman and wjat will she do/ find out ont teh next chaper.**

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Readable version:

Demowatch By Demomopan6812 _reviews  
_ One day I was taking a teleporter but due to freak accident I found myself in the world of Overwatch. Watch as I turn this world upside down.

Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 24 - Updated: April 20, 1969 - Published: Feb. 28, 1979 - Sayta V./Symmetra, OC

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 **Hey lads, so there's this game called Overwatch you might of heard of. This is a self insert story.  
**

One day I was taking a teleporter when I found myself in the world of Overwatch. It started when I stepped on my teammate Engi's teleporter. Instead of going to the point, I was teleported somewhere else entirely. The first thing I saw was a beautiful woman. She had long black hair that was really pretty.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"I'm the Demoman," I said.

"You're really sexy." She said.

"Thanks. You are too," I said, "What's your name?" I asked.

"I'm Symmetra." She replied.

Then I looked around and saw that everything is different. Because I'm so smart I say, "What year is it? I think I went foward in time."

"How can you tell?" She asked.

"Your clothes are different from mine."

"Wow your smart," she said, "It's the year 1999."

The far off year of 1999?!

"Is the dog president yet?" I asked.

"You mean president Fluffykins, the cybernetically enhanced Pomeranian in a sweater? He's a great president. Before she could say more, a masked man attacked. I pushed her down and saved her life from the bullets. Then I threw my sword at him and killed him. When I looked back at Symmetra, I saw that she had been hit by a bullet.

"Noo don't die," I cried, "you're too beautiful."

As I held her in my arms she looked at me and said, "Don't cry for me Demoman. Everything's going to be alright." Then she sighed and closed her eyes.

"NOOOO!" I cried. My only love was dead. Life was not worth living anymore.

But just as everything seemed lost an angel appeared.

"My name is Mercy," She said, "I can help you."

Then she raised her staff and a mysterious light started to appear.

 **Who is the mysterious woman and what will she do? Find out in the next chapter.**

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User Reviews:

 _Fourth Wall Breaker_ chapter 1 . Nov. 5, 1720  
Ohh, I see what you did there.

 _ThatGuyWhoExplainsThings_ chapter 1 . Nov. 2, 1783  
For those who lack the brainpower to understand what the above user is referring to, I, the most gracious and stupendous Guy Who Explains Things shall inform your intelligence deprived minds of the meaning of the above review. If the story were to be taken in the context of it being an actual story, and not a poorly named 'self insert,' then said story could be categorized as a crossover however, because the story is supposed to have been written in a world in which Overwatch exists and Team Fortress 2 does not, this is technically a crossover written as a self insert.

 _ThatWasALittleExcessive_ chapter 1 . Nov. 5, 1623  
That was a little excessive.

 _ThatGuyWhoExplainsThings_ chapter 1 . Nov 8 1746  
There is no such thing as excess in this festering shithole called . Quality does not exist here and neither does talent. The next time you comment on one of my reviews from the past I will make the most extreme of teenage angst stories seem like _Care Bears go to Funland_ when in comparison to your life. I will also tell on you to your mommy.

 _ThatWasALittleExcessive_ chapter 1 . Nov. 5, 1646  
That was a little excessive.

 _ThatGuyWhoExplainsThings_ chapter 1 . Nov 8 1798  
FUCK YOU

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 **There goes another chapter. Don't remember to not read and don't review(Reverse psychology do your thing.)  
**


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